After a long hiatus, I come back to the blog world as I continue my faith journey. Part of why I disappeared was because of the writer in me that wouldn’t allow for imperfect posts. I would read and re-read, edit and re-edit, and it was taking me hours to get out a single thought. But after MUCH time off, reflection and inspiration from my amazing husband, I am back at it, understanding that the sharing is more important than the writing itself. What’s more, NOTHING is perfect except God, so why aim for something I can never achieve?
This past year, specifically, has been the longest and most daunting faith walk I’ve ever had to take. In my life. My marriage has been through trials that I wish no woman would ever have to face. My body has been through trials that I wish no woman would ever have to face. And now I’m in Texas. To sum it all up, God has been working in his miraculous, mysterious ways and has called my family to move from Massachusetts to Texas. For what reason, we’re still not quite sure. It’s only been three months, so we are confident that his purpose will be revealed soon. But looking back, here’s how I have often felt since my last post:
I have walked, or should I say trudged, through the storms, soaked, cold, chilled to the bone. I have dropped to the muddy ground, sobbing in tears, begging for the tumultuous weather to stop. I have crept up on my knees, with my arms open wide, neck stretched out to the sky, eyes straight into the tempest and screamed, “Why, God, whyyyyyyyy!? What have I done to deserve this?!?!”
His answer? Nothing. It is not a punishment. Our good God doesn’t work that way. He provides opportunities to get our attention. It’s all about getting our attention and re-focusing our eyes on Him and on the path He has set forth for us. But that isn’t always the most comforting thought. Out of habit I would sit and suffer in silence and brood over my misfortunes. And the pain was real, and the suffering was agonizing. But because I know God is good, I can acknowledge His presence, thank Him for the strength He has given me (and will ALWAYS give me) to weather life’s hurdles. Because after the rains subside, there is life again. There are lush, green pastures and oftentimes rainbows. If we could only hold on to the hope of the rainbows, and remember in the squall that He is there providing the precipitation for a reason. I know in heaven He will show me the reason for that suffering and that pain. But for now, I work hard to demonstrate my faithfulness in the trials. I am a sinner, but I have faith. I encourage you to hold on to Hope because God has never, and will never, let you down.
In similar fashion to my previous posts, my blog will contain a prayer and a passage from Scripture. It is my hope (and prayer) that you will be able to connect with the prayers, and Scripture regarding any storm you may be experiencing at this moment.
Sinner Share #8: It’s so hard for me to have faith in the storm. The pain is so real and sometimes the answer and the value seem so far away and unattainable. A pastor from my home church used to say that the opposite of faith isn’t doubt, that it’s fear. And I’m afraid all the time. I want to be a woman of faith and not of fear.
Prayer: Dear Father God in Heaven, You know my struggles. You know my saddened heart. God I’m sorry for the times I have lacked faith. Dear God, I believe, please help my unbelief! As a sinner, as a human I come to you for my strength for you are my Rock and my Redeemer. All things are possible through You and You alone. When I feel alone and abandoned, send me the Holy Spirit as a reminder of your ever present and everlasting love, mercy and grace. I pray to you today, Father, for all of those readers who feel lost in their own personal storm. May you bless those who are weak and weary, and send them Your peace and reminders of Your promise that the suffering will end, and that Your purpose will be revealed. We love You and we need You. Thank you, Father. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Scripture: Psalm 23: 1-6 “The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You anoint my head with oil; my cup runs over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”